Because People Are Mean

I’ve been stressed. You can see it all over my face. Around my lips and on the sides of my nose. I’ve got acne trying to profess to the world that I’m going through some major issues. I can’t even pin point one thing.It’s more so a bunch of things pent up together.It is nothing compared to some other people’s issues, but nonetheless, that fact shouldn’t invalidate my emotions.
The past few years of holding things back, being patient, staying quiet. I’m a prisoner in my own life and In this world, I have yet to make myself heard by anyone around me. Even if I was given the moment to speak freely, I wouldn’t know what to say.I have so much pent up anger, bitterness, and hatred that I feel if I do ever get the chance to have people listen (really listen) to what I have to say, my tongue would cut like razors through their skin.Sadly, the truth is, no one will ever really listen, instead they’ll just be too busy thinking up the next thing to say as I speak.I have been being bombarded with a lot of people, “family”, lately that have been pushing me to do things I don’t want.These “things” are absolutely inconclusive to my true and desired long term goal; these thing that would only, really, satisfy me instantly and no more.I’ve come to the part of my life where instant gratification no longer has any effect nor do I have any desire to pursue it.I want the big picture, the whole burrito.I don’t want to be pulling mini sized gin bottles from the hotel fridge, I want the damn economy sized Gray Goose from Costco to take home.Guddamit.I’m trying to quietly plant seeds for my own success but others come walking into my garden, with a shovel, digging up random holes. Worst of all they look at me as if I am not doing anything with my life, just because I don’t shout every step I take to the rest of the world.As if I am wasting away because I don’t subject myself to a regular day job, don’t drive a fancy car, don’t like Louis Vuitton, or desire any other cookie cutter corporation lifestyle.
I’m doing a lot. All day, every day, with no breaks.I’m doing a lot more than I could have ever dreamed.I have a husband that loves me, a son that I believe is absolutely incredible, and the drive and will to try to do the impossible or at least learn how to live a life that I am content with.A life with no rules, no schedule, no guidelines to follow.
I don’t need anyone telling me that it’s not gonna happen.I don’t need anyone trying to crush my dreams.I don’t want any predictions or prophecies of what may or may not happen and what I should be afraid of.
I already have enough of myself telling me these things.I’m already up at night until 2 a.m. trying to distract myself from my every fear from failure.
It’s all projection of the same thought. These people that are trying to control what I do are just as clueless and as miserable as the next.They have lived these sad lives. These stories they tell me of disgusting divorces, abusive relationships, broken dreams, missed opportunities, and their children that have gone the wrong path and that they have lost. This is their life. Not mine.
Just hearing these things makes me realize that I am on a completely different level from them already. I’m already blessed with a head on my shoulder that can decipher that playing a victim is NOT going to get me any help from anywhere or anyone.
I’ve got the tools to put my own sh*t together.I can create my own world with out anyone else’s help, thank you very much.
Can’t people tell?
I’ve already got this.